John 15. What an incredible weekend. Not only was it an opportunity to see my fellow summer missionaries again, it was also an opportunity to see Sarah again. This was the weekend to confess my feelings for her. This was the weekend to let go of the desires of my heart. This was the weekend to be rejected. I mean, there was no way it would work, right? I didn’t want to cling to any false ideas of hope.
John 15. A weekend of retreat, joy, missionary love and seeing Glen. The thought filled me with anticipation and anxiety. I mean, I liked the kid but he obviously wasn’t interested. So I didn’t bother worrying about it too much.
I had my friend, Michael, walk with Sarah and I to the waterfall at Covecrest on the second day of the retreat. It is a popular scenic spot at camp. He made an excuse to leave, and proceeded to guard the entrance to the trail. We finally had some precious time alone, and I wasn’t about to blow my chance.
HOW IN THE WORLD WERE WE ALONE FOR THAT LONG? I was freaking out. What do we talk about? Did I brush my hair this morning? Where is Michael? Finally, a group came and the tension was broken. After the waterfall I went right to my missionary sister to talk about how confused I was. I just wanted answers and I almost talked to Glen but the Lord led me to my dear friend and mentor, Ashley Farris, who told me to just wait and not force my plan. I felt so much peace in that and prayed that the Lord would do whatever he wanted with these feelings on His time.
Well, no real surprise, I blew it. By the grace of God, I managed to pull back together and be ready to try again the same day. That night, in the middle of dinner while we couldn’t be eavesdropped upon, I said to her a girl’s least favorite words: “We need to talk.” We finished our meals, threw out our plates, and walked outside into the cold, starry night.
Well, let me tell you, that was the fastest answered prayer I’ve ever prayed. “We have to talk” what is this a movie? I knew it could really only be two things. He either knew that I liked him and wanted to clear the air or he liked me. I was excited and nervous and pretending to hope that he wasn’t interested because that would be “easier” but really hoping that God was about to move in a big way.
I looked deeply into her eyes, and I told her exactly how I felt about her. Silence filled the air, punctuated only by bursts of music from the dance party. “That was it,” I thought. “I’ve blown everything.” Our eyes met, and stayed locked together for what felt like an hour, but it was probably around nine seconds.
“You are the most radiant, captivating, gorgeous woman I have ever met.” WHAT? ALGJAIONVROIAGIORGHAOIVNROI my brain turned to mush. I couldn’t find words. Eventually I stuttered out a thank you and an I like you too and then we both breathed a sigh of relief.
Both of us then returned inside. I don’t think our brains were working correctly after that moment, because after a few minutes into the dance party, we looked at one another again, and proceeded immediately outside, where we talked about what had just transpired. We returned to our cabins filled with joy and thankfulness for the time that God had given us with one another.
The Lord had proven to be incredibly faithful but I was still on a dating fast and there was the issue of distance to deal with. We talked again later that night, and decided to continue discerning for the next six months. We wouldn’t talk much more than we had been, we would be conscious of what we were saying, and we would work on getting to know each other as friends. It was a hard decision but we knew it was right. And then, we learned a lot about waiting.